YOU are alone.....

You are alone in cryptic pregnancy. I wish that I could say that you would have support from friends and family but that is just not the case. You will lose most of your friends and your family. They will think that you are crazy and they will not be able to understand. I say this not to cause shock and hurt to other women going through this but I say this so that you know. You should know that you will have no support from your loved ones. Its easier if you just accept it. Early on just realize that this is going to be a long, lonely, bumpy road. Have no expectations from anyone aside from yourself. Perhaps that is a good lesson in life. You can only rely on yourself. 

So keep this cryptic pregnancy quiet, don't share if you suspect you are having a cryptic pregnancy, don't do it. You probably will and you will 100% regret it like me. I wish I never told anyone. I'm fucking serious. No one. Only your dog but he already knows....

I'm saying all of this because I have experienced the complete isolation that this pregnancy will bring you. Its a difficult transition especially if you have had family and friends support you in your life. For me they all could understand cancer and support that but this they can not grasp and understand. And I think that's ok. You just have to make peace with that. To be honest this quarantine, covid life really doesn't feel much different from the life I have been leading for the last year or so. This is when everyone has sort of dropped me and at this point its just very weird to be around anyone because their judgment and their doubt makes things unbearable. Especially when you have really begun to accept all of this and embrace it. 

Here's the good news. I know all of this sounds horribly depressing and I'm sorry to be so blunt but you can only rely on yourself for anything. There will be no one to help you do anything and you should be proud that you are doing this shit on your own. Empower yourself. Learn, read, listen as much as possible. Learn about prenatal care, learn about herbs, learn about birth because most likely you will be doing all of this on your own. You can do this. Learn about yourself and who you truly are and what you want from life and motherhood. Embrace this solitude as a way to grow and truly transform as a person. 

This is not an easy experience but if you can embrace it you can gain so much knowledge and so much power. 


A little side note. I own a deli and I am on my feet a lot. And about this time last year my feet and knees became very swollen. My feet to the point where I have not been able to wiggle my toes. And had to wear my hiking boots to work. But since this covid/quarantine thing has been going on and I have reduced my hours at work. For the last couple weeks I've been able to wiggle my toes. Just being off my feet has been an incredible thing. I never thought that I would be so happy to wiggle my toes. Just being able to rest has been so very needed and I feel like a human again. Not just dragging through life, trying to make it through but now taking deep breathes and remembering the simple, good things.