​IMAGINE IF OUR CURRENT MEDICAL SYSTEM WAS LESS AUTHORITARIAN AND MORE OPEN TO LEARNING AND EXPLORING NEW THINGS, DIFFERENT WAYS OF HEALING AND DEALING WITH ISSUES. TREATING PATIENTS WITH RESPECT THAT THEY KNOW THEIR BODY BETTER THAN SOMEONE ELSE. 

COULD YOU IMAGINE IF RATHER THAN BEING DEMONIZED OR DEEMED INSANE WE WERE EMBRACED AND THROUGH OUR JOURNEY DOCTORS AND NURSES LEARNED AND OBSERVED SO THAT IT COULD SERVE THE NEXT WOMAN GOING THROUGH THIS TYPE OF PREGNANCY. 

So I haven't really updated in a while but I'm pretty darn big right now. I look proper pregnant lol. I am about 2 and half years into this cryptic pregnancy. I feel as though I am near the end but I am not really in control. And even though I feel like I am near the end, who knows. I am just trusting in this process, my resiliency, and my body. There are a lot of days lately where I just want to disappear from my regular life. Forget the businesses I am running and involved with and just stay in my little oasis at home. With the health business I feel like I do not have as much of myself to give people and that is a little bit frustrating but something I'm trying to adapt to. At my other business, the deli,  I feel like physically I do not have much at all and I really have no patience for waiting on customers.

Mentally I feel really great. I feel like things are happening in my life that are what I have asked for and dreamed of as far as my health business. And helping people has been so rewarding and it is what I am meant to do.

I feel recently all of the work I have done to let go of things and process problems and traumas has really opened me up to feeling ready for whenever these babies are ready to come. I feel more so than ever that my heart and soul have been freed up to be open and there for these little souls. I think I am finally in a really great place for whatever comes next. 

Invisible...perhaps that is how I have felt my whole life.  Always overlooked, always forgotten about, never really that important....

And now with my family and friends everything that I am going through is ignored and passed over. Not a word is spoken about any of this and has not been probably for about a year. So I live in the shadows, we had a birthday party for my mom and I just hid in the corners. Multiple people came up  to me at the end and said "Oh I must have missed you..." Ya missed me haha. 

I've gotten really good at hiding in the shadows and maybe I've been doing that in some ways my whole life. At this point I need to protect our energy and now I just attend things that feel right. Always having your guard up and having to deal with the looks and whispers drains me immensely and why would I want to put myself in situations like that, right now I feel like I have done so much to clear all the shit that does not serve us anymore, there's still a bit because there will always be a little shit but right now I feel like I am in such a good space mentally. I feel like my heart is full and I am just embracing and ready for what will come next on this journey....